


A Vow Of Love

by DeepPerplexity



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Snapedom - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Battle of Hogwarts, Blood, Confinement, Death, F/M, Fear, Fluff, Heartbreak, Hogwarts, Imprisonment, Kissing, Loneliness, Love, Malfoy Manor, Pain, Torture, War, a whole lot of emotions, physical injury, some kind of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:48:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29292417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepPerplexity/pseuds/DeepPerplexity
Summary: Request:Hey! How are you? I hope everything is alright with you! I just would like to ask if you are taking requests and if yes would write me one? I was thinking something like (Y/N) (or original character) is a teacher at Hogwarts and is with Snape secretly, but Voldemort finds out and uses her against Snape. I know it's not happy though it can have a happy ending if you want, I will leave it to you! And of course, if you don't want to, that's okay. Have a nice day! // elizabeth-baelishSummary:You were captured when Voldemort found out that Severus had someone of great importance in his life. You had known about the dangers of being with him - he had never hidden that from you - but the actual danger catching you and snatching you away only to be met with torture, fear, pain and confinement were worse than you had expected. Especially as you were separated from your beloved. But for Severus's love, you would go through anything... The question was, how far would he go for your love?
Relationships: Severus Snape/Female Reader, Severus Snape/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21
Collections: Reader Insert, Snape and Reader Collection





	1. A Vow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mickmarstookmyheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickmarstookmyheart/gifts).



> So, this was a damn interesting request and I guessed it would be like 5k words. Well, no, it’s twice as long (2 chapters). I had fun and I cried while writing this so I hope all my emotions were worth it and that you enjoy reading this fic even if it’s rather painful in all honesty xD Please do leave comments if you want to - it means so much to hear what you think! <3 
> 
> **Setting:** Malfoy Manor, late 1997 -> Hogwarts, The Second Wizarding War 1998  
>  **ABBR.:** │(y/n) - Your Name│ (y/l/n) - Your Last Name │

You were bound and gagged by magic. The cold stone floor beneath you was moist and harder than one could imagine. How long had you been there? A few hours maybe? The details were a bit fuzzy but you clearly remembered cackling laughter before you were stunned and all things went dark as a moonless night. After that, you had woken up where you were now laying. Cold, shivering and dizzy with aching limbs and a pounding headache for company. 

Muffled voices travelled down from above, but you could not make out what was being said or by who. But you clearly heard a mixture of male and female voices - or at least darker and more shrill voices.  _ Where-, who-, what in the world is going on? _ You tried to move about, see if anything was broken or aching worse than it should but no. You were just stiff and sore but at least nothing seemed to be putting you at risk for dying or the like. 

_ Severus!  _ His name was screamed in your mind and panic flooded you. Had they taken him too? You were more worried about him than yourself as he was, truly, the love of your life as you were his. You had been waiting for him in the Forbidden Forest for an evening stroll to help him gather ingredients for a few potions and it would have given you a chance to be alone and be partners openly, freely.  _ No, I was alone when-  _ You winched as the headache pounded more viciously. 

Something ran down your forehead, along your cheek and down your jaw. It smelled of iron. You reached up your hands that were bound by invincible bonds and wiped the liquid away to see what it was. Your fingers were covered in glistening blood that looked nearly black in the dim light of the damp room you were kept.  _ Perfect, he’ll be so damn worried when I get ba- _ , but your thought was interrupted by quick, light steps echoed by the clinking of heels. 

“Wakey wakey,” a woman hissed on a cackle and you knew it was the person who had stunned you and taken you away to wherever you now were. Keys jangled and the lock unbolted itself before the door creaked open.  _ Bellatrix. _ You were instantly on high alert as fear-fueled adrenaline flushed your senses with brutal force spurred by panic.    
“Well look who’s up,” she tutted as she licked her lips with a serpent-like movement of her tongue. You glared at her as harshly as you could. A difficult thing to do when you wanted to run away and hide from the devilish lunatic that walked towards you. You were not a brave person, unless you had to be. And this, now, was one of those times where you had to try your hardest.

“Time to go, sweet little thing,” she said with a voice that dripped of malicious intent. You wanted to ask where you were, but you could not speak. It was as if someone had snatched your voice away as you moved your lips but no sound came.    
“Oh, here,” she said on a smirk as she flicked her wand and you literally felt how something in your throat untied itself and you could speak. 

You looked at her, refused to avert your gaze in some sort of attempt to not show how frightened you were.    
“Where have you taken me?” you asked with a strangled voice as you shocked on a shallow breath while your heart pounded viciously in your chest.    
“Don’t you mind where you are, you should worry about why you are here innocent one,” she hissed with a wicked smile and her eyes twinkled with darkness unlike any you had ever seen. Something gleamed in her eyes and you did not like it, not one bit. 

She flicked her wand again and your body was lifted off the floor, your legs were unbound and she commanded you to walk out of the room and up the stairs. You obeyed on shaky legs that threatened to buckle at any moment. But you held yourself together by some miracle, or perhaps pure fear of what she would do if you crumbled. 

“My Lord,” Bellatrix said with a respectful and softer voice than you had heard a moment earlier. Ice filled your veins as you looked in the direction she had bowed her head towards. A man with red eyes, slits for a nose and an oddly lipless mouth stood a few steps away. Voldemort, the Dark Lord, He-who-must-not-be-named, leader of the Death Eaters and the most ruthless wizard in the world stood before you clad in lightly black clothes that hung around his slim figure. 

Your heart hammered harder as his red eyes looked intently at you. A tight smile tugged at his mouth and it made you shiver as you tried to just keep breathing and keep yourself upright.    
“Ah, what a lovely sight,” he mused with a dark yet soft voice. As if he could not quite breath correctly which kept his voice low, “well, I am not surprised. Severus would not have fallen for any unworthy woman.” Your eyes widened with horror at the mention of your beloved.  _ They know, they know, they know, by Merlin they know!  _

Fear filled you as images of Severus tormented your mind. He had said, time and time again, that if you were found out it would mean torture and most likely death. But you had sat with him in the Great Hall anyway, had walked with him in the Forbidden Forest, had helped him through nightmares and loved him for all he was - everything he was and was not. You had given everything to him and had never regretted it as he had devoted himself even more to you in return. His love had no conditions and was an endless array of shades and depths. 

But, you were his weakness. You could not even remember how many times he had stressed this. How many times he had shed tears at even the idea of Voldemort finding out about you. Had screamed at you in the evening when you were a bit to flirty out in the open. Had cradled you under the covers when you sobbed and cried because you were simply so frightened for him, for the dangerous path he walked in such a delicate balance that could have faltered at any moment. 

Well, that moment was now and it was your fault.    
You were his weakness and would be his downfall.    
You were the one who could be used to break him.    
You had no doubt that that was the endgame here.    
To break your beloved and shatter him completely. 

Voldemort nodded towards Bellatrix by your side. A short nod, a command and a wicked smile of pleasure dominated her face as her eyes gleamed in that unnerving way.    
“Let us make sure.., that our dear Severus.., knows we are not playing nicely today. Bellatrix, if you would..,” Voldemort said softly in a drawn-out manner and as a cackling snicker filled the large room with stone pillars and a long wooden table at one end you felt that terrible stunning sensation accompanied by a slashing that had your knees buckling before you crashed to the floor with a scream of agony. 

Your head had hit the marble beneath you with a worrisome thud and bounced twice as your hands were still bound and all you could do was scream, curl up and try your utmost to not faint from the pain that slashed its way across your back. You heard the distinct swishing sound of a wand in hasty movements and another stunning sensation crippled you before slashing covered your chest, stomach and thighs. 

Blood soaked through your clothes as tears wetted your face. Your hair had come undone and clung to your skin in moist tendrils from tears, sweat and blood. You trembled and shook. Cold and burningly warm at the same time. As if you danced across a river of flame while ice-cold rain showered you from above. Another stunning sensation and you cried out a gut-wrenching heave as something magical slithered through your veins setting them ablaze with what you could only describe as wet flames.  _ What is this magic?! _

A moment of relief washed over you as no more stunning sensations came for quite some time as you trembled, quivered and shook from pain, shock and fear curled up in a ball on the floor. How wrong you had been to feel relief, even for that brief instant. Snaking ropes latched themself to your wrists as the unseen bondage left you. The ropes tugged and forced you to uncurl as another set of ropes twisted around your ankles.    
“And up we go,” Bellatrix cackled with joy as if she were playing her favourite game. 

You had no time to register her words or react to them before you were swiftly, and painfully, hoisted up in the air by the rough ropes controlled by the deranged witch ordered about by the darkest of wizards in ages. You hissed as fresh tears sprang from your reddening eyes and smudged the dried and new blood as they rolled down your cheeks before dripping from your chin. 

“Oh isn’t that just lovely,” a man hummed out but you were too drained and in too much pain to open your eyes and see who it was, “all splayed out in your lovely state.” You wanted to see who the voice belonged too but even if you tried you were unable to muster up the energy needed - and in all honesty, you were scared out of your mind as it played tormenting images of Severus for you. You tried to latch on to the fact he wasn’t present but it didn’t lessen your fear. The fear that had such a grip on your heart and soul that your body felt oddly disconnected from your inner self. 

But you felt the pain. The burning of the ropes, the weight and strain on your wrists and shoulders as they bore your entire weight.  _ Just kill me and be done with it, _ you thought but all that did was draw attention to you as you felt Voldemort’s presence in your mind. A dark shadow upon your thoughts. You had no strength left to shield yourself from the intrusion even if you tried with all your might to keep as much about Severus hidden as possible.    
“Tsk, tsk, tsk. We are far from done,” Voldemort hushed out on the smallest of hisses, “Bellatrix, if you would..,” Voldemort continued slightly louder and before you had time to take even one breath to fill your lungs what little air you had in you were pushed out in a new scream. 

“ _ NO! _ ” a thunderous voice you would have recognised anywhere at any time bellowed out. You lifted your head ever so slightly and opened your swollen eyes as much as you could; only to see your beloved looking at you with such pain and fear in his eyes you wanted to look away. But you didn’t, you wheezed out his name as a little blood escaped from between your lips and ran down on the side of your chin where it dripped off. He stiffened, his face as pale as you had ever seen it. Nearly as white as snow while his eyes were as black as the deepest parts of the sea. 

“Ah, Severus,” Voldemort mused out as you tried to keep yourself from coughing up more blood where you were strung up by the crude ropes that dug into your skin.    
“My Lord,” Severus breathed out and that was when you noticed how out of breath he was. Had he been running? Screaming? Fighting? You had no clue but pain twisted in the depths of your soul as you tried to stay conscious despite the pain that tormented your entire being. A pain so severe you had no words for it; it was so intense it didn’t allow any more screaming or crying. Nothing. 

“Quite a lovely specimen here,” Voldemort mused and you saw him move about in your peripheral, “I must say I was quite, befuddle, when we learnt of your little secret.” You kept your eyes on Severus and had you not known him so intimately you would have missed the slight stiffening of his back, the slight lowering of his shoulders, the harshness of his facial muscles.    
“My lord, I assure you-”    
“Silence.” Severus went as still as stone as his lips remained shut at the command from the dangerous wizard. 

A few seconds passed as a heavy feeling settled in the room. A battle was going on, a silent one, between the two men and nobody dared to move or speak. You felt your energy slipping away, your muscles grew ever more limp as you tried to keep your focus on Severus a few steps away.    
“I see,” Voldemort suddenly chuckled out and you knew he had been perusing Severus’s mind. You silently prayed the wizard would not peruse your own again as you were not nearly as powerful as either him or your beloved. You could shield yourself from intrusions but never had you been able to hold Severus out for more than a few seconds at a time when he tore into your mind with nearly all his might. You knew you were no match for the Dark Lord either. 

“I assure you, my Lord, she is not an obstacle for your plans. The opposite,” Severus said. His voice was rough as gravel and deep as the Black Lake. But as Severus uttered those words something shifted in him. His eyes turned darker and something was-, well off, about him. You didn’t understand it but as you allowed your gaze to shift towards Voldemort you understood. He was fuming. Anger pulsed from him as if it was an actual magical force that radiated out.    
“Do you take me for a fool, Severus?” Voldemort barked on a hiss and Severus tilted his head ever so slightly.    
“No my Lord,” he stated calmly but you knew he was anything but calm even if his body radiated waves of the feeling against the anger from Voldemort. 

Bellatrix hissed on the other side of you and as Severus scream out another ‘ _ NO! _ ’ you felt that burning sensation of pure agony again. It covered every inch of your body and you threw your head back but no scream would come, as if the pain took away all things except that sensation. Your limbs tensed, you tried to ride it out, to hold on to-, to something but it was too much and you felt as if your body was swaying. Then everything disappeared. 

Words echoed around you. Screams. Shuddering breaths. Cackling. Commands. Pleading. Grunts and curses. You were a mess on the cold marble floor. Unable to move or speak. Unable to open your eyes as you drifted between unconsciousness and consciousness. In out, in out. Sounds, silence, sounds, silence. Pain, nothing, pain, nothing. Back and forth and back again. What eventually brought you back completely was a burst of howling laughter paired with what you could only describe as the worst sound you had ever heard. Severus was screaming. His voice hoarse and cracked, nearly unrecognizable. But it was him, your beloved was screaming and you were unable to help him as it was the mangling of your body that elicited that sound. 

That pain was worse than anything they had done to you though. To hear him scream - the man who was in control at all times and risked his life daily without hesitation - was the most horrendous experience of your life. You couldn’t bear it as he wailed out a plea not to hurt you despite the pain they were putting him through as well. You passed out once more; before you had time to even look at the man you loved most ardently and through all passing of time darkness swallowed you and took away the pain. 

“Let me heal her,” were the words that woke you the next time, “ _ she’s dying! _ ” he growled. Severus’s broken voice echoed around you and his cold hands held you tightly pressed against his soft body.    
“What will you give me in return, Severus?” Voldemort hissed out as you tried to open your eyes.    
“Anything,” he stated firmly yet his voice was broken. You tried to tell him no, tried to open your eyes or just move  _ something. _ But you couldn’t. There was no power in you.    
“Heal her then,” Voldemort agreed and in the next moment one of the hands that had held you was gone and another moment later a liquid was poured into your mouth. 

You felt wounds close, broken bones re-aligned and blood was being sucked back into your body from all the gashes that had marked you. You expected the pain but the itching - as if you had been stung by thousands of mosquitoes - took you off guard. You coughed as you were suddenly able to breathe a lot better when your lung ached less.    
“(Y/n)?” You turned your head towards the sound of his voice and opened your eyes as power and energy were starting to come back to you.

“Severus..?” you whispered out as your eyes wandered across his face. Bruises were forming, his lip was split and his hair damp - from blood or sweat or something else you couldn’t derive from the inky black hair. It broke your heart to see him in such a horrible state, the feeling nearly physical as you reach up a heavy hand to caress his cheek. He breathed out a gushing breath as your skin connected with his. Tears formed in both of your eyes and he held you even more tightly. The display of affection was not for others, merely both of your needs to hold each other.

The moment was cut short as Voldemorts low voice travelled through the air. You were torn from Severus by slender hands that belonged to Bellatrix while the other man you had heard speaking held Severus back.  _ Fenrir, _ you realized as you were able to see him. If man were a correct term for him could be debated. Beast was closer. 

“Severus!” you screamed as panic surged your still sore and weak body as you tried to reach for him. But both of you were depleted of power and utterly broken. So as he tried to reach for you Fenrir smashed him down and his head pounded against the marble floor so harshly it echoed through the hall. He moved no more. You screamed. Screamed and wailed as you were being dragged off by Bellatrix who now used magic that you couldn’t fight. 

The image of Severus on the floor, motionless, haunted you. Hour after hour in the damp and cold cell you had been pushed into again the image just ingrained itself further and further until there was no escaping it. Your clothes were damp and dirty, your hair a complete mess and your body ached something fiercely. But none of it mattered as you had not heard a single sound from above. You didn’t even know if he was alive.  _ Severus, please, please, please… _

You curled up, hoisted your knees to your chin as you wrapped your arms around your bent legs to retain some form of warmth where you were sat in a corner to keep your back safe from possible attacks.  _ This has to be about Harry, there is no other explanation. Dumbledore is dead and there’s no other to threaten Voldemort. Except, Severus himself.  _ The thought was unnerving as you knew Severus had sworn to protect Harry and help him without revealing any of it. But Harry was gone, off to hunt Horcruxes with Hermione and Ronald,  _ Merlin knows where or even how.  _ You sighed deeply as your thoughts kept spinning. 

You tried to listen for any noises while you did everything to keep your mind away from the gutwrenching thought that perhaps your beloved wasn’t alive any longer.  _ No, no, not going there right now! Focus, just focus! How can I get out of- _ Steps resonated from the stairs at that moment and your head snapped up as your body went rigid. Keys jingled and the heavy wooden door opened to reveal another Death Eater - fully covered in black clothes, a hood over his head and a mask that hid his face. 

His, or perhaps her, wand was pointed at you and you were lifted up of the floor and placed on your feet before the debilitating magic disappeared. The Death Eater flicked his wand to show you were to move out of the cell and up the stairs. For a moment you were frozen in place but then your body kicked into gear, driven only by the fear of what would happen if you refused. 

The Death Eater walked behind you, directed you up some stairs, through a hallway, up two more flights of stairs and then through another hallway before you were to turn right and ended up in front of a black door. You were frozen in place as the Death Eater had flicked their wand at you and then walked away as you were immobile and could do nothing but breath and blink. But that didn’t stop your mind from racing with horrendous thoughts of what was to happen when the door opened. 

A few minutes passed and you heard voices and steps from the direction you had come from. But they moved further away. It happened a few times and then came the sound you had been dreading. The door creaked open and before you stood,  _ SEVERUS! _ You wanted to leap at him as your mind screamed his name yet he seemed strangely resilient against the need to reach for you. 

His eyes were endless pits of nothing but black ink. His face had been mended and his skin was not as pale as it had been before. Yet something about him felt frighteningly wrong. As if he were in a worse state at that moment than he had before - when you were both being tortured. He flicked his wand as your mind raced and you sagged as the magic disappeared.    
“Severus, what-” you began as you stepped into the room towards him.   
“Sch,” he sounded out and the stillness of him were so oddly wrong even if he were a very harsh and motionless person every day. 

The door closed with a bang behind you and you yelped from the sudden sound. But then you were safe. Embraced by his strong arms as he held you so tightly he might have very well cracked a rib if he had used just a tad more strength.    
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he whispered into your hair as your arms snaked around his waist and your hands ended up on each of his shoulder blades as you hugged him tightly.    
“It’s not your fault,” you whispered as tears started to flow. He took a shaky breath and his hold on you loosened. You tiled your head to look up at him and he looked down at you with dread in his eyes. 

Suddenly, you wondered about what was going on. Had Voldemort released the both of you? Why weren’t you both dead? Why was Severus in such a fearful state when neither of you were no longer being tortured? His cold hand interrupted the racing of your mind as he caressed your cheek with his fingers.    
“I love you,” he said in a low, gruff voice.    
“And I love you,” you reassured him back.    
“I’m sorry…” You furrowed your brows as you couldn’t understand how that went with your declarations of love but a moment later you did. 

“You will be left here,” he said ever so slowly.    
“Here?”    
“Yes, here. This room will be your world until I can free you,” he continued and you blinked. Confused.    
“They won’t kill me? Kill you?”    
“No, darling, unless I fail. And I will not. It is not even a possibility.” His words were low and harsh. Yet they were so empty. Void of emotion, love, happiness or hope - the things he always spoke with when he spoke with you. You hated the words. Hated that voice. Hated the cold void that rung through them and in defiance you pressed yourself into his chest to get some of your love pushed into him. 

“I love you,” you whispered as sobs were welling up in your throat, “through all passing of time and beyond all deeds.”    
“As I love you, more than anything. More than life itself.” His words frightened yet soothed you. He would not leave you, would not abandon you to rot in the dusty room with cobwebs and a scraggly bed. He would not leave you to be tortured and killed by Death Eaters. Severus would find a way to free you, you were sure of it. He was the bravest and smartest man you had ever met or even heard about through history. 

“Our time is up,” he murmured out before he stiffened ever so slightly. You leaned back, searched the endless darkness in his eyes before you leaned up on the tips of your toes and pressed your lips against his. For a moment he didn’t respond but then he grabbed you and deepened the kiss. His tongue caressed yours as his thin lips were melded to your own, a perfect match. Your hands travelled up and fisted in his hair as you sought to devour as much of him as possible in the few seconds you had left. But you were pushed away all too soon. 

You both took a few deep breaths as tears welled in your eyes while his glazed over with harshness.    
“You’ll come back for me?” you whispered in a plea. You didn’t want him to go but the fact that you even had had this time together was more than you had dared hope for back down in the damp cell.    
“I will set you free, I vow it.” His words calmed you as your faith in him were as strong as it possibly could be. So you nodded and then he was gone. 

The moment the door had closed and locked behind him and you were utterly alone your mind had cracked as your soul splintered from being parted from him. You had no way of knowing when you’d be free, when you’d see him again or when you would be able to hold him and kiss him. Fear and dread. Horrible feelings. Yet what was the overwhelming thing that slithered about around your heart was pain. Pain for him as you knew all too well what he was already going through as a spy, Death Eater, Headmaster and protector in secret - and now your life and safety were added to that list in a completely new way.  _ He didn’t even tell me what he was supposed to do… _

Time slowly passed.    
Every day you waited.    
Every day you feared.    
Every day you waited.    
Every day you ached.    
Every day you waited.    
Every day you longed.    
Every day you waited.    
Every day you hoped.    
But time just passed. 

Your body was thinner, your face sunken in. Bones pressed against tight skin as you waited and waited for Severus to return and set you free. Two meals a day and an endless supply of water from the bathroom tap. Two sets of clothes yet nothing kept out the chill. One lonely blanket atop the shabby bed that had left you with pressure bruises in the beginning. But you paid it no mind while you wasted away in your confinement as the only warmth came from your love of Severus and the trust you had in him. 

So you waited as time passed.    
Through the winter and snow.    
Through carols and fireworks.    
Through grey skies and wind.   
Through the melting of snow.    
Through early spring and sun.    
You waited as time simply passed. 


	2. Of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **ABBR.:** │(y/n) - Your Name│ (y/l/n) - Your Last Name │

Nothing ever happened. You never left the little room and your sanity was growing worse as all you had were a little tiny window that gave a view of some outer walls and a tiny smidge of forest in a sliver of space between them. At least the sun shined in for a little while in the afternoon if the clouds didn’t block it. But truly, being confined - alone, no company, nothing to do but think - was tearing you apart. One little piece at a time. What kept you going was the thought of being with Severus at the end of it all.  _ One day, we’ll be together again. _

“I wonder what day it is..” you mumbled as the sun sank ever lower behind the walls beyond your window. Yesterday there had been noises, voices and activity all around. You had heard it through the thick door enforced by all kinds of spells except one that kept the noise blocked out. You were thankful for that as the little noises had kept you company from time to time; made you feel as if you were still alive and not utterly alone in the universe. The food was always just, there, it came with a swoosh and a snap - you figured it was a houself that delivered it with such speed you had no time to see the little being. 

All day it had been completely silent. Not even the sound of feet against flooring or any mumbling voices. Just deathly quiet. You were standing by the wall that had the little window. Your eyes looked out towards dusk as the sky turned darker after having been bathed in wonderful colours of a setting sun. 

“Another day passed… When, when will you come for me, love?” You took a heavy breath and forced the tattered shirt you wore to cover your shoulder again as it kept slipping down from your slender frame. It made you feel uneasy, that you had lost so much weight and were now a mere shell of what you had been about three months ago - or so you guessed, could be closer to four months - and not just physically. The world had lost some form of glow, some gentle sensation that evil would be destroyed and couldn’t reach the good that was in you. It had.

Something had broken, perhaps beyond repair as you remained confined and lost in so many ways. Tears were always threatening to leak from your tired eyes. But they never did. It had been weeks since you had cried even if you were always on the shattering ledge of the pitfall that was despair. One bright light, one ray of moonlight held you at bay. A depth of another kind, not a pitfall but a beautifully endless haven of stardust and warmth. The deep dark eyes of your beloved, your Severus. The only one for you. He kept you away from the destruction of your soul and heart as you stood, swaying, by the ledge. He was there and you remained upright. 

Darkness encased the world as you stared out the window until all you saw were your own reflection as the lights in the dank room flickered to life as the sun died, as it did every day. You returned to the shabby bed and pulled the blanket across your body. Tired and drained despite having done nothing at all. The only thought that crept through your head was a pondering one; what - exactly - had Voldemort requested of Severus? 

A silent swoosh and you jolted awake from the sudden change of energy in the room. Red eyes glared at you, slitted nostrils flared ever so slightly as a lipless mouth called for you to rise.    
“It is time,” Voldemort wheezed out and you were already on your feet before the third word was completely uttered. You looked at the dark wizard, something was different about him. What, you didn’t know, but he looked more dead then he had before. 

In the next moment, he grabbed your arms and you were swirling through the air in a black fog. Had it been the first time you would have freaked. But as Severus had taken you along to parts of the Forbidden Forest in the strange apparition-flying manner you were not surprised or shocked. What did pain you was the proximity of Voldemort. For far too long you endured the proximity of him before he released you and you slammed into hard ground. 

You coughed and groaned as you sat up while rubbing at your ribs and shoulder that had taken the gist of the fall.  _ Rude, just rude. You couldn’t have dropped me closer to the damn ground you vile-snakey-loathsome-evil-  _ But your thought halted abruptly as you looked around while Harry’s voice rang out from somewhere nearby.  _ Harry’s not dead?! He’s alive?! Where-, Hogwarts?! What in the-, Severus! By Merlin, Severus!  _

You frantically got up and tried to check your surroundings. High above, far away, was the castle, duelling flashes of coloured lightning reflected against its stone. You kept looking, you were dropped off right by the Whoomping Willow.  _ Odd, _ you thought as you looked around but all you could see was the deadly tree and the forbidden forest - just as deadly - beyond it. Your mind started to frantically come up with an idea of where Severus would be; was he even close by? Voldemort had told you no such thing, neither had there been an agreement on where both of you would meet. 

You facepalmed yourself and groaned in frustration.  _ I’m so stupid! _ You chided yourself as you had had this fictional idea that Severus would come bursting through the door of your prison and sweep you away hidden behind his glorious cloak.  _ Nonsens, just, nonsense! Of course, that wouldn’t happen! Focus, think, where is he… _

You tried to remember anything anyone had ever said regarding the Whoompig Willow, and what do you know, Severus’s voice echoed through your mind as he explained that it led to the Shrieking Shack, then mentions came of attempted murder by some stupid Gryffindors and you left the trail the memory was on.  _ Right, the tree, I just need to _ \- You panicked as you remembered you didn’t have your wand. You looked around the place you had landed but no wand was in sight.    
“ _ FOR FUCK’S SAKE! _ ” you bellowed out as you janked your hair in frustration. The gain of freedom was nothing like you had pictured in the thousands of ideas you had had. Dropped off by a battle field, wandless and in tattered clothes that left you defenceless against the cold spring night with no Severus in sight.

Okay, so no wand and you had to get to the opening under the tree that aimed to kill. It didn’t look too dangerous in its slumbering state but you knew it was a death trap.    
“Okay, I can do this, I can definitely do this.” You were hyping yourself up as you loosened your arms a bit, readying yourself to actually dive for the damn entrance.    
“I’m going to die but I  _ can _ do this!”  _ I’m an idiot. _ And after that thought, you sprinted towards the tree. 

The branches shook to life, groaned and twisted before they came towards you. You jumped to the side, jumped again, rolled as another branch smacked down right where you had been and with a herculean feat of power that you didn’t actually have you threw yourself towards the opening and only got a light swat from a little side-branch on your heel before you tumbled down into the dark hole that smelled of decomposing leaves. 

“Well, that was easy,” you chirped on a huff as you rose and brushed off dirt, leaves and other stuff from yourself. Before you laid a damp tunnel and you felt panic rise like bile in your throat as you understood you’d have to move through the dark tunnel to get to the other end.  _ I can do this, I am not confined, I can do this, it is not a prison, I can do this, I can’t do this-, yes, yes I can do this! _ You urged yourself to go forward, one step at a time despite the panic and need to turn around and get out into the open air. It felt like the walls were constantly closing in on you and fueled you with panic-scented adrenaline. 

After a minute or two, maybe five, you weren’t sure, you reached a hatch. You pushed and it flew open. Dust in the air made you cough and you hoisted yourself up and out of the tunnel before the hatch shut with a loud bang that made you yelp silently. Your heart was already racing, your palms moist with cold sweat and you shivered from the harsh air, the tattered shirt and skirt did very little to keep you warm as you found your way through the Shack. 

But it was more the panic than the coldness of the air that made you shiver. The unlikable fuel that kicked your heart into a higher gear was unwelcome as it also flooded your mind with dreadful images of Severus bruised and battered, perhaps tortured or seriously injured. You shove the images out of your mind. Just as a new one crept into the light of your mind Harry’s voice rang out from a floor above, “...professor..!”    
“Take them, please, take them…” 

You stopped dead in your tracks. Severus, that was Severus’s voice breaking on a sob. In an instant your fatigued body kicked into a higher gear and you leapt up the stairs only to burst through a wonky door and where you found Harry who was pocketing a shining vial of memories by, by Severus’s side as he half laid against a broken bedframe. In that moment, your world stopped for a second.    
“ _ Severus! _ ” You dove towards him, not caring about the pain form thudding against the harsh floor beneath, “Severus, Sev, please,  _ no..! _ ” you cried and wailed as you grabbed for him. Desperate for him in all senses of the word. A desperation so feral and hungry it devoured you completely as a heavy arm wrapped itself around you. 

“Professor (y/l/n)?” The shocked voice of Hermione rang out but you promptly ignored her.    
“Severus, are you-, what happened?!” you wailed in a not-at-all gracious manner as you simply didn’t care.    
“(Y/n), darling of mine, I’m sorry…” Severus breathed out on a low thunderous murmur. You sobbed and leaned back from him to see what was wrong. His neck was bleeding, he looked exhausted in all ways, his body a little thinner than you remembered and his eyes foggy.    
“No no, stay with me,” you cried out as you put pressure on his neck. Your slender fingers more bone than anything at that point did little to stop the bleeding. 

“What happened?!” you screamed as you whipped your tearstained face towards the three students behind you.    
“Nagini,” Harry whispered and your eyes widened. Severus was poisoned and he was being taken further away from you,  _ how long..? _ You whipped your head back to Severs who smiled ever so gently towards you.    
“Darling,” he whispered and retreating footsteps echoed behind you as the students left in silence.    
“Love, please, please no. You promised, you vowed!” you cried on a strangled sob.    
“To free you, and you are free…” 

He was growing weaker and you felt his arm around you get heavier and heavier. There were too many emotions. Raging storms of thunder, lightning, burning forests and drowning creatures wared in your heart as you tried to figure out what to do. What you had to do to keep the man you loved.    
“Antidote-” you breathed out but Severus merely smiled.    
“No time,” he whispered and you held back a cried so harshly your body shook. You released his neck to cradle him, hold him, be with him.    
“I love you, I love you, I will always love you.” Your words were low yet clear by some miracle and Severus leaned his head back against your arm to look up at you. 

The darkness in his eyes was brighter. A veil that had been there had been lifted and they shined, as if someone had pulled away curtains to fill the room with moonlight in the darkness of night. You tried to memorize everything. Each detail of him, his beauty.    
“I love you,” he murmured through nearly closed lips and you bit your own lip to keep the crying at bay before you could answer him.    
“And I love you. Endlessly,” you breathed out and he granted you a smile. The loveliest thing you had ever witnessed despite his paleness, the blood and the swirling dust in the air. He was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the most beautiful thing you had ever laid your eyes upon. 

You leaned in towards him and he met your lips gently. The movements slow and calm yet they raged with emotion. Burned with passion like a bonfire during a winters night. There was so much in such small movements. You tasted him and were rudely reminded of the dire situation as a hint of iron mixed with the taste of him that you adored. 

His arm grew heavier and it felt as if minutes passed when in reality, it had only been seconds. You leaned back from him and you both took a shuddering breath as your emotions were running wild.    
“Remember, darling of mine,” he whispered with a hoarse voice, “you are the key to all things in my life.” His words were nearly swallowed by the little space between you but you heard him, even if you didn’t quite understand exactly what he meant you nodded. You didn’t blink as you were too afraid he would be gone if you did so. 

A shuddering breath filled the room and in the next moment, his arm fell away from you. It landed with a heavy and final thud that made more dust swirl up into the air and you stiffened. For a second you merely looked at him as his eyes turned empty, his chest stopped rising and the thing that was him disappeared. He left. He was gone. You broke and the air was filled with a guttural sound so horrible you barely recognized it as your own feral scream of despair. 

You clutched at him, pawed at the black and purple fabrics his body was covered in, grabbed at his arms and shoulders, heaved him up and into your embrace where the side of his beautiful face got pressed against your chest. He was limp and unresponsive as there was no more life in him. He was no more and the world seemed to die with him and you were left with a hollow void in your chest that felt eternal and endless. A hollow void that was now your world when he no longer breathed. 

Dawn came hours later. The golden light shined dimly thorough the dirty windows that were haphazardly covered with wonky boards. The building kept swaying around you from side to side yet you were motionless. Your clothes and hands flecked with his dry blood. Your eyes swollen and red yet somehow, still, they leaked salty tears. Endless tears of pain, of sorrow, of all emotions in the world that stemmed from darkness. 

He was cold as stone in your embrace and you were shivering uncontrollably. Unable to leave, unable to move, unable to understand that he was gone. Unable to understand the simple fact that you lived without him - how that was possible you would never be able to answer.    
“Please,” you pleaded on a choked sob, “please...” But there was no magic to bring back the dead. No matter how hard you cried, how loudly you screamed or how tightly you held him. He was gone.  _ You didn’t have a chance, they don’t even know what you did-, how much you did. How brave you were, how good you were…  _

Footsteps echoed through the shack, they moved closer until you heard them in the very room you were sitting. Cradling your beloved’s dead body. His body. You didn’t look up or stop crying even if you should have. You didn’t know who was there or even who had won the war - was it even over yet? For you, it was. No matter what. 

“Professor,” the sad voice of Neville Longbottom uttered into the void that was your world. You didn’t move. Even if he was a favourite student of yours you just couldn’t.    
“Professor (y/l/n)?” he said a little louder and you slowly, ever so slowly - as if your neck needed to be wrung loose - turned your face towards him. His eyes widened as he saw you. Hollowed out cheeks, sunken face, empty eyes rimmed red from crying and sleep deprivation.    
“Professor, we, we need to get you to Hogwarts.” You took a shaky breath but remained silent.    
“Please, we need to get both of you to Hogwarts.” 

“He’s dead,” you whispered. Neville stiffened, most likely at the sorrow in your pained voice.    
“He’s dead,” you whispered again as more tears poured from your eyes. Neville took the few steps between you hesitantly and sunk down on his knees next to you.    
“I’m so sorry, professor,” he said and his eyes were sincere, honest in his condolence for your heartbreak and loss.    
“Professor Snape was a good man,” he continued and that made you jump ever so slightly. You were too aware of Neville’s fear of Severus and the words seemed misplaced as they came from his mouth.    
“Are you-, are you  _ mocking me? _ ” Your words were cold and harsh, near lethally vicious as you cradled Severus with more strength. Protected him. But Neville shook his head.    
“Harry told us everything, from Snape’s memories…” 

_ Not everything, just what little memory Severus had time to give… _ The thought echoed through your mind as you turned towards Severus again. He was so still and pale where he laid atop your legs with your arms around him.    
“Professor, please, you’re not well and we need to get the both of you to Hogwarts. Please,” Neville pleaded and you knew - somewhere deep down - that he was right. So you nodded, just once.    
“Guys, help me out,” Neville said and more people stepped closer. You looked up only to see Seamus and Dean accompanied by Minerva standing right by you. 

As your eyes landed on Minerva you saw tears glistening in her tired eyes.    
“I’m… so sorry dear,” she said and to hear the words from her somehow made it even more real. Severus was gone and there was nothing left in the world for you to do about it. You couldn’t save him, you had failed him and shattered your world at the same time. All that hope, longing, the wishful thinking about being with him once it all was over came crashing down and as Severus was lifted with a levitation charm by Dean you crumbled and broke completely with a warm hand from Minerva on your shoulder. 

You couldn’t remember how you had gotten to Hogwarts but you were kneeling beside Severus where he laid next to many others that had fallen during the battle. Young ones, old ones - they were all still and quiet without their souls. A hand landed on your shoulder and in the next moment, Harry was kneeling by your side.    
“Professor, I am truly sorry.” You nodded at his words.    
“I think you should see this,” Harry continued as he handed you a vial with a shimmering memory in it. You held it tightly in your hands that rested atop your thighs.    
“If I had known,” Harry breathed out, “things would have been so different.”    
“To know is not always the best thing,” you said and it was the first words you had uttered since the shack. Harry sighed.    
“He was brave, braver than I could ever be…”    
“He’s the bravest-, he-, he  _ was _ the bravest man alive.” The words nearly choked you. 

Students, professors and other fighters in the previous battle came and went, spoke for a moment and expressed their condolences and their sorrow over many things. Their view of him, their treatment of him, their thoughts of him - all things horrible and every word chipped away at you. You were grateful for their words but at the same time, you wanted to shove them back down their throats. They didn’t know him, didn’t care about him and they sure as hell weren’t worthy of him. So when Neville, accompanied by lovely Luna, came over to speak to you again you told them to stay by Severus’s side and then you ran out of the hall. 

All the way to the headmaster’s office you ran without a thought about the state of the castle or who you passed. The stairs up were already there and you raced up with a pounding heart and the vial of memories in your hand. You needed to see, to know, just see something of him again. But after you had watched the memories you felt deflated. They were nothing you didn’t know about already. His work as a spy, his pain as Dumbledore had forced him to murder him, his horror at dumbledores words of Harry’s death and so on. It was nothing new. Nothing you didn’t already know of. 

You took a breath and gathered up the memories in the vial again before you placed it on the desk where whoever would come next would see it. You wanted everyone to see the memories so that the world would know at least a little about Severus’s sacrifices so you didn’t hide it. But, you had hoped to know exactly what Severus was supposed to do to free you. It had not been in the memories he had shared with Harry though. 

You took another deep breath and felt a slight dizziness wash over you as your stomach rumbled from hunger and your limbs felt heavier than ever from the lack of sleep. You looked around and found the door that led to the private quarters. You walked over on shaky legs and pulled on the handle. But the door was locked. 

You took out your wand (that you had found in a fold of Severus’s cloak earlier) and tried to unlock it. But it didn’t budge. You knitted your brows and tried the password for the office but that didn’t work either.    
“Just open for Merlin’s sake! I want to come in!” you yelled as you kicked the damn door. You desperately wanted to get into the room and bury yourself in the sheets you knew smelled of him and were bound to give you both comfort and pain. 

_...you are the key to all things in my life…  _ Severus’s words rang out in your mind and without missing a beat you grabbed the handle of the door and uttered your name. But, nothing happened. You arched your brow but then a tiny little smile spread across your lips as his voice echoed through your mind.    
“(Y/n), darling of mine,” you whispered and the lock clicked as the door opened and you stepped inside as warmth flushed your body yet a coldness iced over your soul when the smell of him hit you like a mountain troll on a rampage.    
“Sev…” you murmured on a shallow breath. 

Everything reminded you of him, everything in the room screamed his name at you. But you merely ran towards his giant bed and dove underneath the heavy covers. You wrapped yourself up, completely covered by the gentle fabrics that weighed you down comfortably. His smell filled your nose and you smiled as you cried silently. 

It merely took you a short moment to fall asleep. Wrapped up in his scent and the covers you had shared too many times to count. The mattress perfectly soft beneath your light body and the warmth you felt came from the inside rather than the covers. So you slept, and slept, and slept. You shut down and allowed everything to fall away for the dreamland you envisioned to take over. The dreamland in which you were wrapped up in his arms and not the covers. Where the smell came from his skin and not the fabric. Where the softness came from his body and not the mattress. Where the warmth came from his smile and not the now lost love within you. 

You turned and opened your eyes groggily as light bathed the room. Evening light. You sighed and for a moment the horrors were lost on you. For a moment you turned around to reach for him. But as the bed met your arm with an empty void you jolted up. All things rushed back and you broke all over again as you looked around the room. 

It felt dead. As if the death of him killed all things related to him. You hugged the covers closer to your chest as a shiver crawled down your back. You turned your head and looked towards his nightstand where a photo of the both of you stood. To everyone else, it looked like a photo of a raging storm. But to the both of you, it had revealed itself for what it was. A loving kiss between soulmates. You reached for the photo and cradled it gently. Pressed it against your aching chest that still felt so hollow. 

You eventually, reluctantly, returned the photo to its proper place and reached for the drawer to tug it open. You knew he kept your love letters there. Old pieces of paper before you two had actually become a couple. But the drawer wouldn’t budge. You tugged harder but it remained sealed.    
“Maybe…” you scooted over and kneeled down on the plush rug that covered the stone floor, “(Y/n), darling of mine,” you whispered and the drawer clicked and pushed itself open for you. You gasped. Your heart pounded. Your hand shook. 

What had met your eyes were not just old love letters of times passed but something much worse. So much worse.    
“Why…” you cried out as a future were torn from you. The one future you had dreamed of. The future Severus had obviously also dreamed of as a black little box with an open lid sat atop the old letters. A glinting ring of silver with several red rubies in a delicate pattern sat snuggly between two cushions of satin. 

On the inside of the lid glinted a few words in golden lettering and as you reached for the box to take it and read the words a gentle sound of a piano and singing birds floated through the room as your fingers graced the box. And then came what tore your heart apart further. His voice. As you lifted the little box and held it in your palm his voice thundered out of it.    
_ ‘Your air fill my lungs. My name from your lips gives me life. I do not yearn for simplicity or ease. I yearn for all things you, for all things that are you. I will never be all that you deserve. However, I hope you will grant me the privilege of giving my endless love along with every second of my life to you. Devoted to you through all time that passes, darling of mine. Even in death, I shall remain yours through eternity.’  _

Tears flowed down your cheeks as his thunderous voice gently sounded out the words of devotion and love. Tears flowed down your cheeks as you understood that it would never be. Tears flowed down your cheeks as you realised that what you had dreamt of would have been realised if he had not died. What you wanted most in life were never to be yours.  _ Severus, my love… _

You ached and hurt as you gently, with careful fingers, grabbed the beautiful ring and after a moment of hesitation slipped it on your finger. IT was perfect. A bit large as you had lost weight but the ring itself was perfection.    
“I love you,” you whispered, “and I shall be yours forever.” As you spoke the words a gentle mist erupted from the centre of the ring. It shimmered in gold and red before a burst of white light forced you to close your eyes. As you opened them again he stood before you. 

“Severus!” you screamed and flung yourself towards him but the moment you reached him you simply fell through him. That was when you realised you had released a memory meant only for you. He was a black shadow in the bright white light and then came another voice. The voice of Voldemort. You shivered as he spoke to Severus, asked your beloved if he truly would give anything for your safety and release. Severus merely nodded and you stared at him intently. He looked different from your memory. But that was only because it was Severus memory and one always saw oneself differently. 

But he even looked different from yesterday. Not quite as thin, not quite as pale, not quite as haunted.    
“I shall hold you to your word.., Severus.” Severus nodded at the nearly hissed words.    
“She shall remain here until you have completed what I will ask of you.” Severus nodded and Voldemort continued.    
“She shall not be tortured or killed and she shall be alive when she is released. Unless you, Severus, force our hand. In that case, she  _ will _ be tortured and killed.” Another nod from Severus as you watched him stiffen and harden. You saw sorrow in his eyes and almost wanted to stop the memory as you knew, you just knew the task would be horrendous.    
“You shall die for me, when the time is right. Willingly.” 

The words rang in your ears, like a high-pitched scream. You stared at Severus. He showed no emotion except a slight lowering of his shoulders.    
“Allow me to say goodbye and I shall do what you ask, my Lord.”    
“What?!  _ NO! ARE YOU STUPID?! _ ” you screamed at the memory in pain and fear for you had, truly, been the death of him.    
“Agreed,” said Voldemorts voice and Severus nodded shortly before he turned and walked away, out of the white light and just as it felt as if the memory would fade the light shifted from white to gold. 

You didn’t see him but his voice rang out clearly.    
“I love you and you  _ are _ my life. I do not regret giving my physical life up for yours to continue. Darling of mine, be safe and free. I shall always be with you, but live your life happily...” he said in an ever-fading voice and you wailed. A gut-wrenching scream as the truth stabbed you with its rusty blade. He had died to keep you alive. He had known he would die. Had known his life was ending yet he had done everything to keep you safe, keep everyone safe - even if he knew there was no chance for him to be there in the end and see it. See all he had done be recognised and the results of his horrible life as a spy and protector would have been there for him to live past. 

“How do I go on without you..?” You sobbed out as the golden light faded and you were left behind as a shaking mess on the floor.  _ I do it for you. I live for you. I make sure everything you have done will be known. I make sure that everyone will know what you did. I will make sure that you are recognised as the loving and wonderful man you were. No, no that you are. For you will always be, you will never seize to exist. I shall tell your story. I will tell your story and make sure that history will be recorded as it was. Not as it was believed to be before…  _ You looked up with determination in your eyes. You wiped away the tears and held up your hand to look at the beautiful ring.    
“I may not be able to ever do enough but I will do all I can,” you said gently, “I will tell your story until my time is up and I can be with you again. My love.” 

You rose from the rug. Shedded your tattered clothes and walked over to his closet. You opened its doors and reached in. You pulled out a set of your clothes that he had kept hidden at the bottom in a trunk. You grabbed them, went over to the bathroom and cleaned yourself up before you dressed and did your hair. It all happened so fast as your mind wasn’t quite there. Your mind was oddly quiet. The silence before the storm. You knew you were going to struggle but you also knew it would all be worth it. He had given his life to you and you would return his life to him in the only way you could. By telling the truth about him. 

With one final breath to calm yourself, you left the private quarters that had belonged to Severus. You closed the door and some strange resolve covered you. Perhaps it was the pain, the horror, the fear or the sheer panic of life without Severus. But something hardened you in that single moment.  _ I will cry when I am alone. I will be strong now, for you and everyone else. I will not show the pain. I will be strong like you were Severus.  _ And with that thought, you started the journey to the Great Hall and everyone gathered there.    
“I will tell your story. Our story.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this fic - despite the pain! :S <3  
> Do go read some fluff to heal dearies... But, before you do, leave kudos and a comment? <3 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, for giving my writing your valuable time and emotions! It means a whole lot!  
> An extra thank you to elizabeth-baelish@tumblr (she now has an AO3 account: mickmarstookmyheart) for requesting this fic! <3


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